The Appeals – Full Walkthrough
Complaint – Order
1) Someone at 8 Krushvice Street is always breaking one of the lamps! On behalf of all the tenants, we ask you to resolve this problem!
2) Unknown persons have desecrated my shed!
3) Someone has graffitied the walls of our building! The culprits must be lined up against the same walls and shot!
4) Worse! They drew the sun and some ducks! Rubber ducks! I blame the parents! You have to do something about this flagrant misbehavior.
5) I’m the building manager… er… former building manager of No. 3 Great Legacy Street. Yesterday there was a military training exercise going on nearby, and a shell accidentally landed… in the wrong place.
6) Hello! I would like to report a repeated violation of Directive No. 8750 at the city cemetery.
7) I would like to report a crime. Some miscreants hijacked my mobile propaganda unit. They’re driving around the city broadcasting some nonsense about freedom and democracy.
8) Someone is always unscrewing the light bulbs at the entrance to our building. I should point out that I am the junior secretary to the head of the third department of the Bureau of Statistics!
9) Hello! I would like to report that unknown criminals opened three sealed-off apartments in our building and took everything of value.
10) Greetings! I’m an archivist in the military archive. I recently discovered that carpenters’ reports about coffins for the Front were not marked as “confidential” – thus violating Directive No. 8790 of the Ministry of Order!
11) A respectful hello to you! I would like to report that the management of our plant is criminally delaying the introduction of X-ray equipment to the entrance checkpoint in accordance with Ministry of Order Directive No. 5765 .
12) I’ve brought an in-depth log detailing my daily observations of my colleagues. It includes all of their absences and the exact time spent taking smoke breaks.
13) I’m pretty sure someone’s been following me! I don’t even feel safe at home! Recently, I came home from work and someone had gone through my all stuff!
14) Hello, I have a complaint about the management of our factory. How come they won’t let girls join the volunteer militias?
15) Hi there! I have a little kitty, Agatha. I let her out yesterday, and someone tied a can to her tail!
16) Unbelievable! This is despicable!
Complaint – Patriotism
1) Those mobile propaganda units in the streets make far too much noise! We’ve had far too many cases of shattered windows!
2) What are the youth of today supposed to think? Who among them would want to serve in an army where they can’t even spell the word “execution” properly?
3) The electricity went out during the most recent performance of “Real Patriots Eat Turnips” at the Red Torch Theater. The actors couldn’t finish their performance.
4) A huge propaganda poster was put on our building as part of the preparations for a military parade. It covered up everyone’s windows.
5) A few days ago, another group of dead soldiers was buried in the city cemetery. As usual, one of the coffins was draped in the flag of our great Motherland.
6) Stop printing the portrait of our Great Leader in the weekly newspaper.
7) Whoever authorized the production of “Leader” branded condoms must be punished! He is the rock-hard shaft around which our society is built, and he deserves the proper respect!
8) I used my shoe voucher at Store No. 3. The shoes I bought have a quality stamp on the soles featuring the state coat of arms.
9) Yesterday at work we had a rally in support of Directive No. 6738. Everyone got a badge with a picture of the Leader – everyone except me. How can I explain it to my kids?
10) I have a subscription to a series of books chronicling the Leader’s speeches. Page 429, paragraph 3 of the latest volume mentions Simeon Koldyrin, who was exposed as a traitor last week!
11) There’s a billboard on the main avenue with a quote from the Leader: “Glory to all that benefits us – whatever it may be!”.
12) I want to complain about the mobile propaganda units near my apartment building.
13) Hello. I spent three years knitting a portrait of our Leader to decorate our entrance hall. And guess what? It was in tatters within a week!
14) Hi. The management of our maternity hospital won’t let nurses go to the Solidarity and Loyalty rallies, just ‘cause it means leaving patients in labor unattended.
Complaint – Social Care
1) Hospital No. 3 serves patients soup made with rotten onions! You have to stop this disgraceful practice!
2) My son’s classmates are always making fun of him. I think it’s because of his dietary requirements – he’s lactose intolerant.
3) Someone painted the benches in the park, but didn’t bother to hang up any signs about it.
4) Rent is costing more and more, but my apartment building isn’t getting any better. I won’t stand for it! The place is a disgrace – there’s only so much falling plaster a person can take!
5) I haven’t been able to collect my pension in two months – all just because someone with the same name died. Who can help me?
6) Hello! Yesterday I went to the hospital to get my disability certificate extended. They said that you’re only classed as disabled if you’ve lost your right hand – not your left, like I have!
7) Hello! There’s a shed by our building where the caretaker’s been keeping brooms and things like that for years. Recently, some degenerates and their kids shacked up in there, saying that they have nowhere to live!
8) I recently spent some time at a health resort, and I would like make a complaint about the staff. I’m a general in the Logistics Service and I’m entitled to Class A1 accommodation. But what did I get?
9) I want to report inappropriate behavior by the management of Orphanage No. 3. They put the children to work in the orphanage vegetable garden, supposedly because they haven’t been allocated any rations.
10) My son’s school won’t let him attend anymore. I demand that you punish them all!
11) Tell me, how come you send all manner of ♥♥♥♥♥s to the resorts, but honest working women never get to go?
12) Me and my kids were allocated an apartment on Prosperity Street, but when we got there, it was already occupied. They won’t let us in!
Complaint – Labor
1) None of us at Depot No. 4 have been paid in three months! We can only afford to eat rice and fish – it’s unbearable. Something has to be done!
2) I want to make a complaint against Trade Trust No. 3. They refused to hire me in the import deliveries department! What an outrage! They say there’s already a waiting list of two hundred candidates.
3) Something must be done about the publications in the Labor Happiness newspaper. There have been no vacancies published in three months, and instead, they run advertisements for mopeds!
4) I came to complain about the management of Foundry No. 2. Our equipment is always breaking down, and nobody even considers lowering production quotas while it’s being repaired!
5) I want to complain about the terrible working conditions in the police force. Who the hell decided that we have to wear hats underneath our helmets? What genius thought it would be a good idea to boil our brains?
6) I want to complain about the city utility management. They only hire North Borean immigrants!
7) I want to report that last weekend, a group of five unknown people armed with tools carried out repairs on Kindergarten No. 78, also known as “Little Leader”.
8) I’m here to ask the Ministry of Labor to investigate and prosecute the management of Bank No. 12 for incompetence!
9) Hello there! I work as a sealer at the local post office.
10) Hi, can you help me?
Complaint – Culture, and Sports
1) I want to file a complaint! Our despicable enemies derailed a performance by my Youth Drummers in honor of the Battle of the Pzhista River!
2) My wife has been driving me up the wall since she watched a family movie called “Together Forever”. She’s asking for flowers and other silly stuff like that. She’s been crying for days and acting crazy.
3) I was hit by a puck during a hockey match and lost three teeth!
4) Everyone knows that our country is the best in the world. Our national track and field team was sent to the World Championships to remind other countries of this fact.
5) Some new musical instruments were recently delivered to our House of Culture. They’re awful! The string instruments don’t stay in tune, it’s impossible to blow into the wind instruments, and the piano keys don’t work!
6) I recently attended a music festival in support of the war effort. I’m outraged! It was an insult to the memory of our fallen comrades!
7) What up, coach! Yesterday my football team played against the police team – The Sheriffs. Over the course of the match, they arrested ten players for exceeding the pedestrian speed limit!
8) I would like to complain about the manufacturers of my team’s sports equipment. Those tightwads have got some nerve! Look at the underpants and tank tops they made for us! Two scraps of cloth!
9) Do you see this disgraceful display?
10) You do realize that this is an international scandal, don’t you?!
11) Vandals! Barbarians! Philistines!
12) Greetings! The management of the theater where I work has increased actors’ productivity quotas. Now we have to perform for fourteen hours a day! Even when the hall is empty and there are no shows on!
13) You’re going to answer for this! You’re going to answer for all of this right now!
Complaint – Science and Technology
1) I invented an incredible device that can make all our lives easier. But Construction Department No. 6 refuses to accept it!
2) I read the book “Physics For Everyone” and now I can’t sleep!
3) The experimental pressure cooker I bought yesterday exploded in my kitchen when I switched it on! Now all the walls are covered in my signature thyme and tomato soup!
4) After watching “Do It Yourself” on TV, my wife decided to make a ceiling fan out of matches, acorns, and an old spring. Would you be at all surprised to hear that it was a failure?
5) An experimental new field pesticide was delivered to our economic union recently.
6) Greetings. I demand that you find the person who spat in my dish!
7) I was supposed to attend a mathematics symposium, but the Institute sent some upstart junior researcher instead!
8) Hello! I’m a physics teacher at the Mining University. Yesterday I left some calculations on the blackboard, and when I came in today I saw that the board had been wiped!
9) Hello! I was recently given permission to purchase a radio, but I think it was made by traitors!
Information – Order
1) I’ve come with a report on theft-prevention measures at Door Handle Factory No. 8.
2) Here are the full vandalism statistics for the Coal Park area over the last quarter. Who should I hand them over to?
3) I’ve brought a journal listing every instance of light bulb theft at the entrance to our apartment building, and of graffiti appearing on the walls.
4) I’ve brought the minutes of the workers’ meeting at Mine No. 7 after receiving complaints about some of their behavior. They’d set up an after-hours fight club.
5) I’m the manager of the tenement building at 7 Strasheci Street. Here are the profiles of all my tenants.
6) I’ve brought a report on how we’ve met our quota for uncovering saboteurs at our kindergarten.
7) Hello! I did what they asked of me.
8) I brought the list of employees from my factory who want to join the voluntary city patrols under Directive No. 5873.
9) Hello! I work as a caretaker. I’ve brought you the weekly list of crimes committed by the tenants of House 2-bis, Entrance 3, in the cul-de-sac of Harmonic Development. I’ve highlighted the ones who should be executed.
Information – Patriotism
1) I want to report on the number of schoolchildren who visited patriotic camps this summer.
2) I’m from the Propaganda Bureau. Here are all the student essays from my district on the topic of “How I Love the Wise Leader” for linguistic analysis.
3) The Special Commission is satisfied with the results of the guitar concert dedicated to the love of our Motherland. I’ve brought all the lyrics and chords in order to compile a patriotic songbook.
4) I brought you a trial copy of the Monochrome Star newspaper so it can be verified for patriotism.
5) I want to thank everyone involved in the “From the Heart” patriotic song festival at Mine No. 4. The songs even made the walls shake! Who should I give the award recommendation list to?
6) I’m the supervisor of a public toilet by the railway station. Each stall is equipped with a surveillance camera and a microphone, in accordance with the Patriotism Law.
7) I have our factory’s anti-optimism activities report, in accordance with the latest directive from the Ministry of Patriotism.
8) Hello! I’ve managed to cultivate a new kind of apple tree that bears fruits the colors of our national flag! I want to give the seedlings to the state biological collection.
9) Hello. I have a list of tenants from our building who want to participate in the annual Parade of Future Victory.
10) Hello, I have the results of our latest patriotism poll.
11) He is to the motherland, what rain is to the desert sand!
Information – Social Care
1) At long last, there are cycle paths in Labor Park. And while it isn’t possible to buy bicycles at the moment, I would like to thank everyone involved. This is a big step forward for our country!
2) I have a complete register of the newborns in our district. Who should I hand it over to?
3) Where do I submit the completed family trees for the population census?
4) I have all the required documents to obtain a voucher for a trip to a health resort. Where do I hand them in?
5) I’ve assembled all the paperwork to prove that there are multiple children in my family.
6) Greetings! My wife is a typist in the Ministry of Order. In accordance with Ministry of Social Care Directive No. 8869 regarding the relatives of public servants, I’ve brought my income records for the last year, my employment certificate, excerpts from the tenants’ register and my medical records.
7) I was told to bring a statistical reference regarding military service housing for veterans. Here it is.
8) I have profiles of all the children at the kindergarten where I work, complete with photos and distinguishing characteristics.
9) Hi! Here’s a list of unmarried women librarians.
10) I have a complete register of the newborns in our district. Who should I hand it over to?
Information – Labor
1) I’ve brought an in-depth log detailing my daily observations of my colleagues. It includes all of their absences and the exact time spent taking smoke breaks.
2) I want to submit a list of my plant’s employees and their figures for the last month. The top workers are highlighted in red, the lazy ones in gray.
3) Where can I submit my statistical report on the age and marital status of the workers at Coal Mine No. 3?
4) I have information about the distribution of Mining College graduates. Who should I give it to?
5) I have the results of compliance checks of the working conditions at Mines Nos. 1-3 for the last month, including violations and observations.
6) Hello, sir! Command has ordered that as of midday on August 31, all citizens detained by the police who are still awaiting further investigation are to be sentenced to correctional labor.
7) I’ve brought work efficiency estimates for the fourth quarter of this year. They’re in line with the goals set by the Ministry of Labor: a 125% output increase, a 30% salary decrease, and a one-hour increase of the working day.
8) Hello! Here are the last three years’ timesheets for the doctors at the city hospital.
9) I’ve brought a list of workers from the Light of Victory plant who’ve been called up for military service. Now they can be removed from the ration lists.
10) Hi there! I have a doctor’s note saying that I can’t work in the mines.
11) I have a report on the pregnancy statistics for clothing factory workers, and the effect it has on production and performance.
12) I’m about to blow my top! I won’t be kept waiting here a minute longer! Who here needs a list of my barge’s crew?
13) Hello! I have a catalog of clothes designs developed by our tailor shop for employees of the ironworks. There’s everything in there, from underwear to hardhats.
14) Hi! I have the results of a psychological survey of employees of the butchery industry. Their depression levels are through the roof!
Information – Culture and Sports
1) I have the annual instrument renewal plan for the Houses of Culture. Who should I give it to? In total, we’re charging for 2,143 drums, 1,876 trombones, 2 triangles, and 1 grand piano.
2) I’m here to submit the new posters for the theatrical production of “We’re the Happiest – Don’t Believe the Traitors” for censorship. Who do I give them to?
3) I came to hand in a statistical report on the total distance our athletes have run over the last 10 years.
4) We have prepared a program for City Day. Who shall I pass it on to?
5) I’m here to hand in completed forms with the latest results of the factory football championships.
6) I’ve brought in a review of the new “1985” movie. It’s a delight to witness such a great work of art! What a magnificent world full of order and harmony! A cinematic masterpiece!
7) Hello! I brought data on last year’s cinema attendance. As expected, the industrial drama “The Diode and I” is number one!
8) Hi. I’m here to hand in the results from the latest military sports games, as well as submit a report on the ensuing casualties.
9) Greetings! Where should I send my report on High Culture Week: Prison Edition?
10) Hello, I’m here to submit a photo report on the amateur “Songs of Labor and Heroism” festival.
11) Hello! I’ve brought some sample versions of the new uniform for our army orienteering teams.
12) We have prepared a program for City Day. Who shall I pass it on to?
Information – Science and Technology
1) I’ve managed to split the atom in my own home! I’d like to donate my findings for the benefit of our state’s scientific endeavors! Here’s my paper-mache model of the atom – as you can see, I’ve split it up. Which office should I bring it to?
2) I want to present the Ministry with my chemical formula for transforming gold into lead. Which office should I go to?
3) I had a dream about some new fundamental particles and had to draw them right away. The quarks and muons are sketched in pencil, and the leptons and bosons are in charcoal because my pencil ran out.
4) I have some data on the flammability of various materials. It can be used to calculate the amount of fuel needed to burn counterfeit and prohibited items in accordance with the relevant directives. Which office should I bring it to?
5) My group has researched the effect of bromine on soldier’s fighting abilities when it’s added to their fruit juice. To whom can I pass on the results?
6) Hello! Here’s a list of the reagents needed to continue my work in synthesizing food proteins from manure.
7) Hello. I need to transfer some academic records belonging to one Professor Drumderi to the archive, on account of his death.
8) Hello! I’ve brought lists of students nominated for scholarships in scientific work and trench digging.
9) Hello there! Here’s a folder containing the results of my cloud observations. I’ve spent over 30 years on them – haven’t missed a single day!
10) Hello! I am a veterinarian. I’ve noticed that cows that listen to the Leader’s speeches demonstrate a sharp increase in milk production, pigs give birth to more piglets, and sheep’s wool becomes softer and silkier!
11) I’ve brought a description of my new invention: curling irons made from rifle ammo. All formatted, numbered, filed, and ready to be archived.
Denunciation – Order
1) I want to inform you that my brother-in-law is keeping forbidden books. I know for a fact that he reads them under a blanket with a flashlight.
2) I want to make a statement. My mother-in-law steals cotton candy from work and takes it home.
3) I would like to report Irvin Borzhovich, my neighbor’s kid.
4) I have something urgent to report! Listen! I’ve witnessed a terrible future crime in progress!
5) Hello! My name is Nikolai Meser. I’m 39, single, and recently started working as a chemistry teacher at School No. 217.
6) My neighbor has fat lips!
7) I want to report a violation of Directive No. 6729 from June 23 this year. My neighbor, Jacob Proust, is hiding a draft dodger in his home. Someone who was called to serve on the Western Front.
8) Hello! I want to report a breach of the law. The writer Mark Niemeyer, who lives at 3 Leader’s Wisdom Street, is trying to leave the city without an official certificate of absence.
9) I want to report that one of the typists at our bureau, Martha Zane, is a spy! I sometimes see her pick up a newspaper, read it, then underline something in it.
10) Lieutenant Richter reporting, sir! Captain Weller spent funds allocated for bribing South Boreans on gambling and lose women!
11) Dietrich Schultz, the manager of Building No. 4 on Responsibility Street, has opened an underground casino.
12) I want to complain about Ivan Felmeyer, the director of our lab. We have no chemicals, no test tubes, no equipment – nothing!
13) I would like to inform you that the physicist Maurice Hecker has assembled a radio receiver from old equipment, and uses it to listen to forbidden South Borean stations at night.
14) Hi! I’d like to report that Professor O’Callaghan has flagrantly violated the Standards for Processing Classified Data!
15) Hey there! I work as a florist on the corner of Peace and Victory.
16) Hello! My neighbor, Rosa Dirk, is illegally selling perfume that her husband confiscates from smugglers at the border.
17) Abigail and Morgan Kendell, my neighbors in the communal apartment, regularly steal food from the refrigerator.
18) Hi! I saw a “Wanted” ad, and I have information on the whereabouts of one of the criminals!
Denunciation – Patriotism
1) I want to let you know that a couple of the peddlers on Labor Square, Bertha Proschek and Anna Hobbes, have been feeding stale bread to the pigeons! Those damn birds have befouled the statue of our Great Leader! It’s deeply offensive!
2) Yesterday Charles Stobart’s bakery was selling cakes with the Wise Leader’s face on them! This is completely unacceptable!
3) I wish to inform you that my colleague James Aderhold’s kids graffitied a poster of our Wise Leader by scrawling a mustache over it!
4) My neighbor, Joshua Krukov, makes inappropriate jokes about our Leader when he’s drunk!
5) This is unforgivable! Last night some vandals put a hat and gloves on one of the statues of our Great Leader!
6) My neighbor, Damir Kadapidi, didn’t stand for the national anthem at a recent football game.
7) I saw Samuel Harris, the shift manager at my plant, change the channel from our Leader’s speech to a morning workout!
8) My neighbor’s kid, Ben Crivens, was spitting paper at a portrait of the Leader. He used wadded-up pages from a newspaper featuring a portrait of the Leader!
9) Luke Parker, my neighbor, beats his wife every day, and blasts out the national anthem on his turntable to drown out the sounds!
10) Look at this herring!
11) I live by the city square. My neighbor, Otto Brandis, goes around feeding paint to the pigeons. Says it’s to cheer people up, but c’mon! Everyone knows that the rainbow contains the colors of the enemy’s flag!
12) I’m here to report my kid’s kindergarten teacher. Charlotte Shepard’s her name. She lets the kiddos sit on the potty when the anthem’s on. That’s teaching them to be traitors, right?
13) My building manager, Max Staff, uses a bust of our Great Leader to crack nuts!
14) Olivia Rice, whose husband Bruno is head of the passport desk, uses a bust of our Leader to weigh down her sauerkraut!
15) My neighbor, the designer Peter Bless, said yesterday that our coat of arms looks like an upside-down pyramid!
16) Yesterday, Johannes Bloom, the projectionist at the Victory movie theatre, played a South Borean comedy called “A Blond Guy and His Girls” instead of our patriotic war drama, “War Is Never Far!”.
17) Olivia Rice, whose husband Bruno is head of the passport desk, uses a bust of our Leader to weigh down her sauerkraut!
18) Guess what? My neighbor, Elena Tadeush, didn’t change her curtains on The Day of Greatness and ruined the whole design aesthetic of our building. We were all supposed to display the colors of our flag!
19) Hello, I’m here to let you know that the bricklayer Wanda Wonderkampf refuses to take part in patriotic rallies just ‘cause she has three kids to take care of.
Denunciation – Social Care
1) One of the teachers in State Kindergarten No. 159, Brigitte Swen, isn’t looking after the children properly.
2) Stefan Oswald, a professor in the Coal Mining Faculty, won’t let my kid enroll.
3) Maurice Walsh, the head of Hospital No. 2, doesn’t keep his facility in a proper sanitary condition. The patient rooms are dirty, there’s mold in the showers, and the kitchen’s overrun with cockroaches the size of a bulldog!
4) I’d like to file a complaint against Klenz Mnetis. He’s a high school teacher, and he doesn’t know a thing about what he’s teaching.
5) Rene Helfenburg, our physician, keeps prescribing me the same medicine for everything. Doesn’t matter if I have headaches, a cough, a runny nose, allergies…
6) I want to report that my neighbor has too much living space and our building manager, Oscar Morel, has done nothing about it!
7) I’m here to let you know that Adam Pluke and his family are illegally collecting his deceased grandmother’s food stamps.
8) Don’t you think we should be punishing the families of traitors?
9) I want to report Franz Dietrich, building manager of No. 67-bis on Veterans’ Drive. There are illegals living in his business apartment: his brother’s wife, his three nephews, and one of his grandmothers. He says they have nowhere else to go because his brother was killed in the war, but I say rules are rules!
10) I’m here to fulfill my civic duty and report a violation of the Family Code.
11) Hello. As a veteran’s widow, I’m entitled to housing benefits. But Victor Padrabinek, my building manager, says it doesn’t count because I’m seeing another man!
12) Hey, Miss, I’d like to…
13) I’m here to let you know that Adam Pluke and his family are illegally collecting his deceased grandmother’s food stamps.
Denunciation – Labor
1) I have to report that my boss, Gus Morev, is a tyrant! He makes us workers bring him tea and polish his boots – what the hell?! It’s illegal and disgraceful!
2) You must arrest Philippe Courier, the milk truck driver, for dereliction of duty! He’s supposed to pour unsold milk into the gutter, but instead, he’s been giving it to stray cats!
3) Jiri Shnip, my boss, has jeopardized the reputation of our rubber plant! We used to make tires, but when demand fell we switched to police batons.
4) I need a new job.
5) Smoking has always been prohibited at our fuel and lubricant depot. But now the new boss, Shiber Patek, says it’s okay. And he lets his nephew sell smokes in the depot.
6) I want to inform you that my neighbor, Walter Gauss, is a chronic freeloader! He thinks he’s a poet, so he doesn’t have a job… He just spends his days wasting perfectly good paper.
7) I wanna say that Nicholas Pergheim, the warden of the prison, is violating guards’ rights and making the job real crappy!
8) My colleague, Martha Kramer, has created a hostile work environment! She keeps opening the window, and now I’ve got a stuffy nose all the time!
9) I’m here to report that citizen Franz Merezhkovsky is cheating the Ministry of Labor. He was assigned to be a radio host but instead, he records his voice at home and then plays the recording while working as a handler at the coal warehouse!
10) Hi! I work at a chemical plant. They give us free milk to make up for all that exposure to hazardous materials. So our supervisor, Tomash Nezygar, decreased our milk allowance and has been selling the rest at the farmers’ market!
11) Dan Kiusak, the head of the fire department, won’t hire me ‘cause I’m a woman! I was a star athlete, I’ve done a hundred skydives, I served in the army!
12) Hello! Angela Dadis, who works as a weaver, figured out a way of operating five machines at once. She’s ended up with a bunch of free time and spends it reading at work!
13) My co-worker, Jacqueline Tall, always closes the window, and I can’t work when it’s so stuffy! I’ve fainted several times!
Denunciation – Culture, and Sports
1) Lola Thmin, the singer, caused a whole scandal after her performance on Railroad Worker Day. We invited her to our canteen… She took all the food with her, called us pathetic, and then she and the director of the House of Culture left together in his car!
2) Do something about the director of the Bumpy Roads theatre group! They hire disabled actors, then torture them to make their performances more realistic! One guy had both his eyes taken out by a parrot!
3) The coach of our turnery’s handball team refuses to give reserve players a chance to play in matches!
4) The national chess champion is a cheater who belongs in jail!
5) Modern theatre productions are shameful! I was at one recently, and it’s an outrage how perversely they twisted the story of our Great Leader’s life!
6) Hello, my name is Pierre Vaneau, and I’m a bellboy at the Anthracite Hotel. I thought you should know that Ricky Martinos, the famous singer, has been behaving in an antisocial manner!
7) Hello there! I want to report that Alex Podransky, the runner, has refused to take vitamins recommended by our doctors because they contain pervitin!
8) I wish to notify the Ministry of Culture and Sports that the director of the Roots folk ensemble, Philip Kim, refuses to incorporate songs recommended by the Ministry of Culture into the band’s routine.
9) Hello there! Tell me, please, are green apples still banned in our country?
10) Hello, I want to report negligence on the part of Dmitry Petrashek, the movie editor.
11) Hello. I’d like to report an incident that occurred yesterday at an evening with the poet Albert Grabowski. While he was performing the Pacifist Hymn, the audience erupted in a completely unsanctioned uprising – they literally rose up out of their seats!
12) Hello. I bought a book of Victor Grum’s poems recently, and you know what? It doesn’t contain a single line about the working man! Nothing! It’s all women, children, nature…
13) I’m here to report a theft.
14) Greetings! I was at the “Die Singing!” festival and I’d like to report that during the performance, the conductor – Isaak Weinstein – started waving his baton around and using it to write obscenities in the air!
15) Well, hello there! I’ve been the prima donna at the theatre for the past 40 years. I’ve played all the great roles. You may know me from…
16) Hello. The women’s gymnastics coach, Ann Bolthaway, hung up a portrait of the South Borean world champion in the gym to encourage the girls to follow her example.
Denunciation – Science and Technology
1) I’m a technical consultant at a glass-ceramics producer. I want you to punish my wife, Grace Chilton, for altering my designs at night without my knowledge.
2) Sean Campton, a process engineer at Bakery Plant No. 7, came up with a conveyor belt improvement that saves a lot of working time.
3) I’m here to inform you that my neighbor’s brother has made some kind of futuristic, next-generation inhaler.
4) I want to complain about my neighbors, Werner von Gray and Sergey King. There used to be an elevator in our apartment building. It broke some years ago.
5) My upstairs neighbor, Mark Lipinec, is trying to irradiate me with waves of some kind! Now when I’m at home I have to wear a tinfoil hat all the time!
6) Our junior lab tech, Martin Clavel, is using a still to make moonshine, which he then consumes along with cucumbers from our experimental plantation! He shouldn’t be allowed to do science!
7) Hello, I want to inform you that the entomologist Salzberg has discovered a new species of butterfly. He named it Franciscus pulchritudo – which means “Francesca the Beauty”.
8) Greetings! I’d like to report that Nikolai Greenberg is using foreign-made scalpels for tissue dissection.
9) Hi. I’ve invented a device that can identify dissidents in a crowd and highlight them to the police. One of our junior lab techs, Nikolai Petrescu, got into my office tonight and ruined everything!
10) Who’s in charge here? You?
11) Hi, I work at the Institute of Radiology.
12) Hi! My neighbor, Alexander Timofeev, has built a time machine in his apartment.
Request – Order
1) I’m a Member of the Writers Guild. I’m working on a detective story at the moment, and I’d like access to the crime archives for the past ten years.
2) I need a note certifying that I have no convictions. Who should I talk to?
3) I need a full version of the Criminal Code. Oddly, they won’t let me check it out from the library without the Ministry’s permission.
4) I’d like to get a gun.
5) I’m the principal of School No. 3 at 12 Strasheci St. Where can I get information about how many of my students are criminals?
6) Yesterday, the newspaper published some pictures of the most-wanted terrorists, and one of them looks exactly like me!
7) I heard that there was a terrorist attack at the port recently, and one of the suspects they arrested has the same surname as me.
8) I need all felony vandalism cases from the past five years related to the Patience and Silence monument.
9) I’d like to talk to someone about my ideas for fighting terrorists more effectively.
10) Hello. I read an article in the Military Science Bulletin about the analysis of the explosives used in the most recent act of sabotage at the plastics plant.
11) I was looking at yesterday’s Most Wanted pictures in the newspaper, and one of them looked familiar.
12) I need a note certifying that I have no convictions. Who should I talk to?
13) Excuse me, I’m trying to find out where Simon Popesku was taken to. He was arrested yesterday at the factory gates – they say he was handing out pamphlets to the workers, but I call ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥t!
14) Hello, I have an explanatory statement regarding the length of my daughter’s skirt. She was detained for thirty days for allegedly breaching the decree on mini-skirts, but the girl’s simply grown up too fast!
15) Hello. My fiancé and I were attacked while we were out taking a walk.
16) Hey there! Can I get one of those Most Wanted posters from the Ministry of Order?
17) Hello! I’ve been corresponding with an inmate, but he’s stopped replying since he got transferred. Can I find out where he was moved to?
Request – Patriotism
1) I require assistance in arranging a rally dedicated to the upcoming birthday of our Great Wise Leader!
2) I think my compatriots are starting to forget what a great country they live in.
3) I want to get a permit to read certain extracts of our Wise Leader’s biography aloud on Patience Square and Obedience Drive.
4) I wrote a romance novel based on the life of our Wise Leader. The Ministry of Agriculture says I should have it checked for patriotism.
5) I’d like to see the standard regulations for depictions of the Leader in works of art.
6) I need 300 wall calendars with pictures of the Great Leader for the upcoming year. They’ll have a tremendous propaganda effect in our prison!
7) I’m compiling a guidebook of all the monuments to the Great Leader in our city. I need information about their locations and how many of them there are.
8) The head physician sent me here to get new stickers for the medicine labels in our hospital. This year, the only medicine we received was ribwort, but everyone knows how powerful the Leader’s words are! They can raise the dead!
9) I’d like the updated list of patriotic songs approved for performance in school music lessons. We were told it’s been amended this week.
10) I’d like data on our losses on the Western Front during the war.
11) I’d like to thank everyone who helped erect a monument to the Leader on the roof of our building.
12) I’ve brought a poem in praise of the Great Leader and our victorious deeds in the West. This patriotic masterpiece will stir up the whole country!
13) Tell me, is the Leader married?
14) Hello! The girls from our dorm have answered the Ministry of Patriotism’s call and donated a hundred pairs of stockings to be upcycled into parachute cords.
15) Hi! All of us seamstresses at the factory would like to present the Leader with a new dress uniform. But unfortunately, we don’t know his measurements. Where can I find them out?
Request – Social Care
1) I don’t know what to do… You’re my last hope!
2) I need a wheelchair!
3) Me, my wife, and our three kids have nowhere to live.
4) I need to take maternity leave.
5) My wife and I finally got a spot for our son at a kindergarten. It doesn’t matter that he’s a 9th-grader now, it’s still a nice feeling.
6) I took in a boy from the streets yesterday. He’s very weak… Starved, sick, thin as a rake…
7) This year, my son was finally allocated a place in kindergarten, but he doesn’t need it anymore. How do I officially turn it down?
8) Can I collect my father’s belongings? He turned 85 and we took him to the National Euthanasia Center yesterday, but the old loon decided to take grandpa’s gold watch in with him.
9) I’d like to know when it’ll be my turn to get free medicine. Last time I was at the doctor’s, she said that without medicine I won’t last more than a couple of months. And I’m still number 3,267 on the list…
10) Hi! I recently got promoted to the position of grade-4 clerk, so now I’m entitled to increased rations for groceries and manufactured goods.
11) I’d like to donate my body to science. I heard you can get money for it, and I need to pay for my son’s education.
12) Hi, I need Professor Zdanek’s home address.
13) Hello! I heard I can sign up to obtain a special device that helps single ladies relieve their feelings of loneliness. Is that true? Do I need to fill out any forms?
14) Hello! I have with me an analytical report on how to increase theatre attendance.
15) Hi! I’ve brought veterinary passports for all my kitties. Can I register cat therapy as a medical treatment now?
16) Hi! I have underwear ration cards, but our local store doesn’t carry my size. Can I trade them for butter rations? Or vegetable oil? Either will do the trick!
17) I’m the principal of Kindergarten No. 345. Somehow, we were sent sandals instead of snow boots for the kids. Must’ve been a clerical error.
Request – Labor
1) I want to change my job!
2) I know how to make our country great again! I want to be a minister! Where do I apply?
3) I would like to submit a request to register for a place on the waiting list for an annual salary increase.
4) I’d like to work for the Ministry of Order.
5) I need a proof of income letter.
6) I’d like to know what my grocery ration will be if I work three shifts?
7) Hi! I got a reassignment notice yesterday. It says I’ll be packing boxes at the ammo plant.
8) Hi. I’ve just graduated from mining college. What vacancies do you have in the mines?
9) Hi, mister! I need a job!
10) Hi! I need a referral for some career enhancement courses.
11) Hi! I’ve brought ID photos, my university diploma, and a reference from my previous employer. Can I apply to be a janitor now?
12) Hi! I want to patent a method of modernizing production and increasing the efficiency of our lathes by 5%!
13) I want to be reassigned. I graduated from culinary college and should be working as a cook, not a welder.
14) Hello! I’d like to submit a request to the Ministry of Labor to obtain someone’s personal information. He was ordered to do correctional labor for the “Yet Another Twenty Years of the Leader” anniversary celebrations.
15) Hi. D’you have any jobs where I wouldn’t need to do any work?
16) So here I am, a simple blue-collar worker, and just don’t understand what the fu-…
Request – Culture and Sports
1) Our great people have a bright fire burning in their hearts, but we need more music in our souls. I want to start a folk accordionists’ club. Where do I get a license?
2) I have a pile of documents I need to give to the winners of an urban orienteering competition. I need the Minister of Culture and Sports to sign them. Can you help me?
3) I come from a line of well-known film directors. I want to make a sequel to Strain, because the first one was a flop.
4) I have a brilliant idea for a new show! Let’s take several people, divide them into two teams and send them off to war!
5) I’m the conductor of an orchestra. And I need trumpet players.
6) Hi there! Our shooting team, the Leader’s Falcons, wants to apply to take part in the Ministry of Order’s national championships!
7) I’m the manager of a band called The Mock Leaders. You’ve probably heard us on the radio. Please grant us a permit to put on three shows in Helmer.
8) Hi. I represent the seamstresses’ trade union. We were promised ten tickets to a Mock Leaders concert, but only got five. I’d like to know what happened to the rest.
9) Hi! Please give me a permit to host a party at our House of Culture to mark the anniversary of the beginning of the war.
10) Okay, here’s the deal. ‘Cause of the war, the army’s taken all our racehorses to the Front.
11) Hi, I’m a theatrical director. Recently, some people in uniforms showed up and demanded that I remove our production of “Pity” from the repertoire as, supposedly, “pity is vulgar”!
12) Hi there! We’re our factory’s women’s arm-wrestling team. We’d like to enter the “Wreck ’em for the Leader” tournament. Where do we sign up?
13) Hello, I need the circus events program. I want to take our senior-year students there to show them what true beauty is.
Request – Science, and Technology
1) Please add me to the list of candidates eligible to receive science grants. I’ve invented a new type of tank that can be used for farming during peacetime.
2) My father-in-law came up with a device that distills alcohol from cattle manure. I want to patent it before he does. Can you help me?
3) Over the last year or so, I’ve noticed a not-insignificant increase in the temperature of our environment. Where can I submit an application to obtain a grant for my research into global warming?
4) Recently, a new subspecies of snail was discovered in the south of our great country. Unfortunately, since the locals don’t care about whether it’s a new subspecies or an old one, they keep exterminating it as a pest.
5) Soon, our world will be plunged into darkness. The people need to know so that they don’t panic.
6) Hi! I’ve invented a way to turn coal, machine oil, and flavor supplements into sausage. What forms do I need to fill out for the patent?
7) Sir! My Commander has sent me to get a diagram of some useless piece of trash or something.
8) Hi! I’m writing a school paper on junk science, and want a permit to get a book called “Space Travel: Dream or Treachery?” from the special archives.
9) Hi! My husband says that scientists have declared that a bottle of red wine a day lowers the risk of heart attacks by 50%.
10) I recently bought some new mascara. It says on the package that it’s specially formulated from used machine oil and gunpowder residue.